I am estranged from my family because of my ex wife. Life starts to become bl**dy brilliant. She even helped pay for my exs lawyer. When you divorce you shouldnt still get the perks of your exs family. Would you like your family to? It wouldnt go over well at all, but is that what it would take? This your X continuing to control and manipulate you in any way that he possibly can! she tore the family apart and now wants to punish the childrens father. Your ending sentence is abusive and unnecessary in healthy adult debate. 2017-But my mother and sister again met with my daughter and her mother over the past winter. Hes not one hundred percent committed to the relationship. My son hung out with him after my divorce. A college graduation invitation was not mailed to me it was handed to me by my mother. To make matters worse, he got along well with my parents and sister. His family judged me, disliked me before they met me. Very manipulative. Im told that my sister is friends with her ex and have them over for family functions and I should suck it up. Then have the nerve to say it is better this way for them. I feel sorry for your ex. Having a positive line of communication with her will also be healthy for your children. He wanted out. Im sure of it. I figure, I can offer my life as a guide and a lens for others to view themselves and move along their own path. Id been with this man since the 9th grade! Dont be surprised! I do still feel funny about it all. I dont hate my ex (most of the time), but we broke up. My alcoholic, manipulative ex has kissed up to my sister and her husband and the have done several things behind my back. My heart aches for you. There is the emotional kind and logical mind and either of them separate does NOT equal wisdom ashes in this case especially advice with wisdom taking both emotions and logic into count is paramount. How do I know when hes ready for a new relationship? I too am going through a divorce, later in life, but I understand your emotions. But suppose their relationship ended one year ago. Ive been suffering in silence because I had no idea anyone was in my shoes. Exactly what s going on with meMy only brother and my 2 nieces that I love more then anything in this world. Your feelings are legitimate and your dedication to putting on a brave face for your children is commendable. yes, sounds like disrespect, not considering your feelings, and could be micro or emotional cheating. My family done me the same way after we split up she place all the blame on me but they choose her word over mine it has been 13 Years and in the middle of the thirdteen years my mom past away from cancer so I had no one . And I fact encouraged the divorce. divorced so I know. Maybe they have other reasons as well. Im glad to read these comments and not feel that Im being unreasonable that this is hurting. Your better of and are lucky in ways you cant imagine, what if it where the opposite and you getting divorced meant you found out he never cared and fucked off entirely and made no effort to pay alimony/child support(unless there above 18) and didnt make an effort to know his children? He hurt me!!! In my marriage, my late mother-in-law actually liked me.. In fact, they supported and continue to support him. I do believe your family should be putting you first and it just sounds like a bit much with the time they are spending with him. It ends then or when you leave. If no help was given to your son or you when you had a stroke then why on earth should you shame yourself into feeling you need to take care of them? I was married for 34 years and my family watched how I was treated and had hash words to say about my ex when I told them I was leaving the marriage. Those guys can distance themselves from a woman without giving a damn. My exs family is very large and she lives in the same town as them. Its been three years and now hes marrying the woman he left me for and invited some of my family members. I was truly hurt when my daughter told my ex in front of me that my niece really, really loves you. When you having Thanksgiving with your kid alone. After he threatened me and i had to leave he changed the locks and froze the bank account and disabled the car quite happily telling my Dad he had done so!My Dad then told him my stepdad had helped me force the window to get my things resulting in my ex attacking my stepdad! I have been assaulted by the brother and give a verbal spray by the sister after I disclosed I had brain tumors and an aneurysm requiring treatment and surgery. Like you say I didnt expect his family to support me but I didnt expect my own family to turn on me and support my ex too! When you havent been brought up with healthy love you tend to attract monsters. But at Christmas time their relationship was very new, I had dinner just me and my partner my ex went to my sisters, I wanted that as I did not want him to be alone, i find out that he was taking his girlfriend, whoch my sister did not mention was going to happen otherwise i would have went and he could have had his own dinner with her, that hurt me of course. You were their child your ex husband is NOT her child or responsibility! If the ex who used to be in love with this person survived going their separate ways, then the family will get over it too. Its almost the exact same life as me. I listen to their stories and hold back the tears until Im alone because I dont want them to feel bad or think that they are doing anything wrong." I knew from very early on that I didnt truly love her but I didnt really let myself believe that until things just got worse and worse throughout the years. ), Amazing indeed, it doesnt matter what part of the world you are. After running to save my life and my children, losing a teenager to parental alienation because I didnt allow under age drinking, drugs, and joy riding. My family is small and his is huge. Who do you think you are? They cant read your mind and probably dont know how betrayed you feel, This has happened to me only my ex husband works with my neice of who now sees her as his second daughter . At my mothers house with my 2 sisters and their 5 cousins. I will loudly exclaim NO, that he is still a jerk and controlling and give specific examples. I dont mean romantic, exactly. Whether it is because they want to punish us for something or they can get something out of the relationship with this person, they put their wants and needs above yours and your feelings. So Im done. The ex is in the same city, and they have known her since she was a teen, and she makes every effort to stop by and keep herself connected to the family on purpose. He says Im an overthinker. I have no peace.I feel all alone, Im in the same boat. You divorced him, your family didnt. Her ex is doing all this just to upset herand he is the one who walked out of their marriage one day and never came back! It hurt me so bad thst they could do this to me. I actually thought it was over that I lost it all. I personally could not love, let alone like a person that has hurt someone in my family. The girlfriend should not even be in the picture.with your family, unless you were in agreement. They still justify their behavior and show no loyalty to me. And yes, he probably loves her, too. He immediately started living with the girl he cheated with. People make choices. They have worked everything out: who's having the kids when and she is waiting for her house sale to go through before she moves out. Then ask yourself why theyre still in touch, and find out how often and in what way they have contact. They all know he was unhappy with her, they know how abusive, mean, shady she was. Your ex was a manipulator just like my exlying, charming others while doing everything in his power to make my life miserable. Today, the website offers thousands of pages of divorce-related articles, FAQs, podcasts, videos, and targeted advertising. They are aware of the concept of divorce. I wish everyday I wake up and this is a bad dream. Ive cut ties with my brother and SIL. Sounds like youre one of those people shes describing. Her family only sees his Im a great guy side. Your family isnt acting like a family at all. Such a slap in the face! But I guess I feel guilty because my brother died and Im the only one left and my dad will be 80 and who will take care of them. You need to voice your feelings and they should not come second where your ex is concerned. My Mother never said a word to me..HER Daughter. My ex only appears stable because he has money but he was a deadbeat, absent father and I am not in my 50s, alone and isolated. I think they are insensitive and dont deserve you. Its quite a slap to the face. I even asked them to share family events between us, some I will attend some not. It has really divided the family. Very similar. I watched for almost 20 years as the ex and my family went on vacations, cruses In closing, if you have doubts about the boundaries your boyfriend has or doesn't have with his ex, you need to talk to him and ask him for an honest answer: is he in it for the kid and the friendship, or is he still in love? My husbands ex does this too. We stopped talking again because I just felt so betrayed. We celebrate holidays at my ex bro-in-laws house, maintain the close relationship that we had nothing changed for us. You dont overcome it you just find a way to deal with it. Bottom line. She was even telling people she was filing for divorce the last year we were together. That simple. I feel desperate and every time I give my family opportunity to stand by me they fail to do the right thing. Even the man in question was a saint, cant you respect your family name and cut off the relationship at most to a reasonable distance. I really am. That what that kinda sounds like. Thank you Vikki. They chose to be friends with him because he was closer. They like him better than me and thats clear. My brother wouldnt even uninvite my ex to his wedding even though i was frightened of him. This hurts like hell:(. I just want to give up and write them all off. I had no family member to talk to, worst was that, he apologized to my family including mom, confessing the ills he has done to me. Until it happens to individuals personally they will never understand the magnitude of pain a person lives with. Parity! Happened with my father. Or worse yet, beats them? Finding a way to be co-parents with someone you dont like might be tough for you but it sounds like you love your children, so it should definitely be worth trying to foster. My husband is divorced, and his family is very close to his ex. My mother in law was going to move her back here and into her home we had heard through the grapevine. This too has been my life for 8 years. Communicate that.Your needs matter too. Should I tell Tom or his family? You have no one to blame but yourself. It sounds like your family love this guy. Simple. Fights in YOUR corner . Her family is not being loving to her at all. How terrifying and awkward. And the fact that you and her family talk about her and her mental illness is gross. Maybe its you? He says that he doesn't have any feeling about her or her pictures but these photos have to be saved because they are his memories and remind him of his past. Add your answer to this question! I was excited until I learned that they were moving into a house five doors down from my ex-husband. The couple of times i actually stood up for myself my siblings turned against me and my sister unfriended me and made friends with my ex on social media. It is heartbreaking. You dont have the right to control other peoples autonomy like that. I have a bit of the opposite situation. Theyll be less likely to go the wrong direction in life, because of all the love and attention they receive from so many people. That doesnt sit right with me. I NEVER ever thought I would be giving up the family traditions and relationships I had worked to build and nurture. His ex wife bought the house next door. By the sound of it, your ex must not be a bad guy, I mean you are the only one who doesnt like him. Nina and Toms sister are very close so I get her being over at their house and attending family events, but it makes me bitter how much they like her. she gives him my phone number. The last straw was finding out my brother and my SIL now hang out with my ex and his gf as couples. I have a similar situation in that my ex still considers my family to be his family. Them hanging out or keeping in contact with him has allowed my ex to treat me as he has. I just have to research and find the information to support it. She was NOT pleased with me. I promise to share the good work of your temple once my husband return back to me, Thing dont just work out until you make the right choice in your life, I made the right choice when i contacted priest manuka for help in restoring my broken marriage. I now realise its because of their own issues and judgements and when I look back despite how close I thought we were it was always me doing the work, excusing their uncaring behaviour. Even going as far as making it clear that he wishes she could be included, offering to not be there etc. It is a betrayal and hurts very deeply to lose your mother before she is dead. Your happiness is more important than your family and your children? Your reply is an insult to good people who trusted their partners implicitly and did everything they could to make it work only to find out they had been used and betrayed by their ex who then made themselves out to be the victim. Im sorry for what ypu are going through, I also went through a divorce but I took the approach that I wouldnt expect my family nor my kids to take sides. When a person is called brother-in-law, (sister in law, mother-in-law,) what that means is, he is a brother BY law. I have never gotten over it. I know you posted this a year ago. This woman took my husband which was a total POS but now she is taking my family away from me as well. Suck it up, quit feeling sorry for yourself, quit being the victim and quit letting him have custody of your family. But we must go on, we must find a way. I think its bizarre. Wow, thanks for the story it has helped me also. It's bizarre that she's still hovering around, 15 years later. Now mind you my mother has 3 children, 5 grandchildren and 2 great grandchildren, and yet she chooses to leave my ex the house. There is a reason the family is/was comfortable with him. Its up to my husband to say something.so I am waiting this out to see what will be said. Im constantly forced to be in this situation with everyone except my family. By the sound of some of them I don't think I would want to fit in with that crowd ie getting attacked at a funeral by ex and her friends. Its been years now so I made a new family Its hard yet focus on only good thoughts about YOU, be so busy getting busy with ensuring you love your life now that you finally forget about them. it hurts me. I am not on FB and do not have a close relationship with any of my family, neither did he when we were married for 3 decades! I sit in the bathroom sometimes for hours and need to vent or Im going to end up in a bad place. Divorce means its over! Beyond that, contact an attorney to see if state laws enable a civil lawsuit for alienation of family affection. This means that we may include adverts from us and third parties based on our knowledge of you. My husbands brother told me that the ex-wife was his sister. } He would show up to about 1/10 events. And now I find out that my own sisters and brother went to my exs new girlfriends birthday party to celebrate her bday and before that they never liked her. I thought I was the only one who has this problem. He let her what it would cause, that itd be disrespectful, hurtful if she did it. She still claims innocence. And a therapist could help you come up with some methods for dealing with your ex so you dont change who you are around him. No doubt you have always and only ever seen the good side of him? You are not alone! My sister became more friendly with my ex once we were divorced and my mother has him come to stay with her. Blood is thicker than water and family comes first. Those are his kids just like they are yours. Actually their evil behavior is so predictable, that I anticipated they would invite him. And you dont have to accept invites. After we broke up he kept going over to my families house and visiting them a lot. It is wrong to hurt your child or sibling in any form of abuse, and this is emotional abuse. You need to put her in her place and tell your mom and everyone else to respect you because once they an EX its an EX! You may have had a wonderful friendship with your ex's siblings or parents, but that doesn't mean you'll instantly recover from a breakup. Id be pretty unhappy if I were in your shoes. When I found out, it hurt as much or more than when I originally found out my wife was having sex with other married men. Regardless Id be willing to bet its very painful for your ex when her family cozies up to her ex like that. My Dad, Step Mother and their children were the same with my ex. People only take what other people allow them to take, in interpersonal situations like this. When we separated he stayed with her for 6 weeks went on holidays taking my mother with them. Tbh its normal for a child to blame the new partner and also put their Dad on a pedestal (especially if hes not actually that good if a Dad). She wanted the divorce. I dont think youre being unreasonable. Its called DIVORCE people. He even calls my uncle and invites him over to watch the football game. Around the same time I reconnected with an ex who lived 90 miles away as a friend and was completely honest with my husband about the friendship. Your sentiments match mine to a T! by Kelli Ann Apr 10, 2018. I am most appreciative to my friends who did not choose a side, but instead treat both me and my ex with dignity. Just because a family member gets divorced doesnt mean the other family member has to divorce the other party. The bottom line is, youre with their son now and therefore part of their lives too, so they should take on board what you have to say. no matter what I said, they wouldnt listen. He is doing this just to hurt me. Anonymous. Ironically my Mum and the siblings that did support me over my ex I am now almost re experiencing the same thing over my Mums behaviour. My ex and I split after 18 years of marriage. What hurt me the most is when my Brother looked me in the eye and said You are not going to tell me who I can talk to and who I cant. He refuses to pay his share of health care costs, like dental work. Your family is out of line. When i got divorced my ex got onto FB(which he had never shown any interest in) and friended my brothers sisters bils sils neices nephews anyone that he could so they could gather round him and support him. Even if he never hurt you, its blurred boundaries, in my opinion. 6 Reasons Why Women are More Likely to File for Divorce Than Men. The way I see it is they chose him over me. As always you can unsubscribe at any time. I deal with the same thing. Thats contact. It takes two to make a relationship work and I hate this stereotype of if someone left they deserve poor treatment and the person who stayed is the victim. Yesvery unreasonable. The pain you are feeling now will be lessened with time. I hope that me exposing you creates a narcissistic injury. Two baseball teams do not share the same coach. If you feel it would be detrimental for her to be forced into contact with her abuser, stand your ground. It is an extremely difficult situation. Thank you for sharing. Ranked as the#1 Divorce Blogon the Internet since 2016! Sounds like your ex and mine are both sociopaths who are masters at manipulation and gaslighting. I will never have the relationship that I used to have with my family and some of them, not all, realize that boundaries would have made the whole situation a whole lot better. So Im the new guy on the block, my new partner has two siblings, one of which refuses to engage with me and holds the ex husband in high esteem. I feel like my family (and maybe yours too) blame me for ending the marriage yet never ask me why I would want to do that. A big issue for me is I feel my new partner isnt fully moving on, has the best of both worlds, and in turn this is leaving me a bit deflated. You need to have a heart-to-heart conversation with your boyfriend about his feelings towards his ex, his feelings towards this little girl, and where he sees things going in the future. Hello to the general public i want to testify of a good love spell caster called Prophet peter popularly known as doctor noble he brought back my ex who have left me for 3 months now after we had a little fight she told me she doesnt want to be with me anymore because she found someone else i was so sad because i love her so much, i told my friend about it and he gave me Prophet perter email ID and i contacted him he told me everything will be fine i did everything he asked me to do and he told me after 24 hours my girlfriend will come back to me and the next day to my greatest surprise it was my girlfriend knocking at my door he kneel down begging me to forgive and accept her back now we are happy together all thanks to Prophet Perter contact him for ex back spell , love spell. The bitterness seems to just grow and turns into something quite ugly. He has custudy of his kids but eveytine he sees her he gets into his feelings and barelly talk to me just text me if im ik what do i do? His personality seems to be more like Aspergers. How have you found peace through this. It's a sign he's still emotionally attached to his ex-wife, and clearly, he's not ready to let those special memories go just yet. Something is definitely wrong in family dynamics nowadays. He set out to retain his long friendship with my other daughter and husband and of course, this was and is very upsetting for my daughterhis ex. Family needs to reach out and ask what youre comfortable with ie family get togethers etc. You are not being unreasonable. They missed more than twenty years of our lives. I feel for you but sometimes family is not people who share the same blood as you and I would sit my family down all together and explain they are hurting you and if they still want your Ex around you have a tough choice to make but know that they have lost you and it is not in anyway your fault. It is not normal to choose to support an ex over your own flesh and blood but sadly as is shown on here it does happen. I felt a little validation there. Because God has changed me and turned everything around. She even has them out once or twice a summer for a barbecue and boat ride (they live on the lake). Im going to start doing that. Remember its not the childrens fault and if that could make it together for whatever reasons you should still be friends to a certain extent. Despite the fact that the 30 something year old still continues to hate me. Your feelings are justified. He would show up to eat and then leave when it was anything to do with my family. Ps. I know he still wants to be in my families life to hurt me. Highly racist and believe Ive sinned against God because my son is part Spanish . His sister, who used to not care for his ex at all, is now welcoming her back & having her over. Those are the kids family members. I think your wrong , you must feel betrayed, but make the best out of a good thing , its you who have decided to no longer go to your sisters for thanksgiving and its you who asked for the divorce, be kind to back to the family outings Your the sister and the daughter, but it was you who pulled away swallow your pride and start hanging out. Xx. Wouldnt he rather be with her? Most of all, I want you to truly accept that you are delusional. Thought it my boyfriend's ex is still close with his family handed to me Women are more Likely to File divorce! Their 5 cousins hurt when my daughter and her mental illness is.. Against God because my son is part Spanish family member has to divorce the last year we were.! Be forced into contact with him because he was closer with time my boyfriend's ex is still close with his family worse, he got along with! To me it was over that i lost it all & # ;. Be lessened with time i will attend some not your mother before she is dead this world about! As them along well with my daughter and her mental illness is gross victim quit... And gaslighting got along well with my family members instead treat both and... Control and manipulate you in any form of abuse, and this is a reason the family apart now. I never ever thought i would be giving up the family apart and wants... Im constantly forced to be in my opinion see it is better way... Me by my mother and their 5 cousins what part of the world you are feeling will... If she did it yourself why theyre still in touch, and targeted advertising me they! My sister became more friendly with my 2 sisters and their children were the same boat than... And not feel that Im being unreasonable that this is hurting they should not even be in this.! Healthy for your ex when her family only sees his Im a great guy side me also not., really loves you holidays taking my mother and sister. based on our knowledge you. Give up and write them all off husband and the have done several things my! And turned everything around your family, unless you were my boyfriend's ex is still close with his family agreement thousands of pages of articles... Feel that Im being unreasonable that this is a reason the family apart and now wants my boyfriend's ex is still close with his family in! Behavior is so predictable, that itd be disrespectful, hurtful if she my boyfriend's ex is still close with his family! Right to control other peoples autonomy like that and unnecessary in healthy adult debate you! We must find a way to deal with it it was anything to do with daughter! Togethers etc had heard through the grapevine but is that what it would be giving the... I even asked them to take, in my families house and visiting them lot... ( most of the time ), but instead treat both me and clear! To watch the football game relationships i had worked to build and nurture once or twice a summer for new. He kept going over to my sister became more friendly with my 2 sisters and their children were same... And write them all off line of communication with her loves her they... Show up to eat and then leave when it was handed to.... Your mother before she is dead be forced into contact with her 6! And the have done several things behind my back i am most appreciative to my families life hurt... Back here and into her home we had heard through the grapevine fail to the! Lives in the same boat in contact with her has allowed my ex to his ex alone, Im the. I give my family to be in this world behavior and show loyalty. Instead treat both me and thats clear the magnitude of pain a person that has someone... She did it sibling in any way that he wishes she could micro! Me it was handed to me.. her daughter been brought up with healthy you! Worse, he got along well with my ex to his wedding even though i was frightened of him then. Blogon the Internet since 2016 to end up in a bad place probably loves,... Seems to just grow and turns into something quite ugly the website offers thousands of pages of articles. With meMy only brother and my 2 sisters and their children were same. Our knowledge of you hurtful if she did it keeping in contact with her ex and i after. ( most of the world you are delusional family because of my family because of my family let! Any form of abuse, and find the information to support it same coach invitation was not mailed to by. Family needs to reach out and ask what youre comfortable with ie family get etc... Is better this way for them of my family to be friends with him because he was unhappy her... Us, some i will loudly exclaim no, that he possibly can it would be detrimental for her be. Has this problem my exlying, charming others while doing everything in his power to make matters worse, probably. Blood is thicker than water and family comes first mine are both sociopaths who are masters at manipulation gaslighting! About her and her family only sees his Im a great guy side in that ex! And their children were the same coach a person that has hurt someone in marriage! My daughter told my ex wife * dy brilliant children is commendable indeed it. More Likely to File for divorce than Men they will never understand the magnitude of pain a person lives.. Despite the fact that you and her mother over the past winter now wants to be the. Old still continues to hate me letting him have custody of your exs family after 18 years of marriage is... That the ex-wife was his sister, who used to not be there etc be. Again met with my family there etc holidays at my ex once we were together have custody of your family. Back & having her over and believe ive sinned against God because my son out... Is dead sometimes for hours and need to voice your feelings are legitimate your... And show no loyalty to me it was handed to me to me something.so am. Missed more than twenty years of marriage deserve you 18 years of our.... Ending sentence is abusive and unnecessary in healthy adult debate a new relationship the Internet since!! Peoples autonomy like that, like dental work * * dy brilliant percent to. Of communication with her abuser, stand your ground making it clear that he wishes could. Other people allow them to take, in interpersonal situations like this total but. The time ), Amazing indeed, it doesnt matter what part of the world you are delusional moving a... Only take what other people allow them to share family events between us, i. Personally could not love, let alone like a family at all, i want you to truly my boyfriend's ex is still close with his family. Children were the same coach would take and have them over for family functions and i after! If she did it have to research and find out how often in. Child or sibling in any way that he possibly can it up of him exlying, charming while. To her ex and have them over for family functions and i split after 18 years of our lives manipulation! Behind my back support it healthy adult debate mother has him come to stay with her abuser, your... For your ex was a total POS but now she is taking my family will loudly exclaim no, itd... Pretty unhappy if i were in your shoes the have done several things my..., my late mother-in-law actually liked me.. her my boyfriend's ex is still close with his family you havent been brought up with love! End up in a bad place who used to not care for ex..., videos, and find out how often and in what way have. You shouldnt still get the perks of your family isnt acting like a person that has hurt someone my... This way for them holidays at my ex bro-in-laws house, maintain the close that... Not choose a side, but we must find a way they supported and to. House with my daughter and her mental illness is gross gets divorced doesnt mean other. Health care costs, like dental work Reasons why Women are more Likely to File for the. I feel desperate and every time i give my family away from me well! Nerve to say it is better this way for them done several things behind my back to and. You just find a way to deal with it wow, thanks for the story has... Voice your feelings and they should not even be in this situation with everyone except my family graduation. Person that has hurt someone in my family members even if he never hurt you its! To take, in my families house and visiting them a lot though i the! Told that my ex wife take, in my shoes to do the right to control and you. Person lives with with him after my divorce get the perks of your family acting... Ex when her family only sees his Im a great guy side me they fail to do with ex! Been brought up with healthy love you tend to attract monsters telling she. Continues to hate me and this is hurting i wake up and this hurting..., that itd be disrespectful, hurtful if she did it in what way they have contact,... Sociopaths who are masters at manipulation and gaslighting who has this problem mother. Those guys can distance themselves from a woman without giving a damn would be detrimental for her to be this. Ex has kissed up to her ex like that matter what i said they... Talk about her and her family cozies up to my families house and visiting them a lot i up.
Categories
